No video blog I'm afraid. It was just too nasty again this morning, so I had to leave the bike at home. It's not the cold that's the problem, or even the wind, but rather the traction. It's just too stressful and then it's no fun. If I'm too anxious when I ride, it defeats one of the primary purposes, which is to relax.
But that's not the surprise I want to talk about. I want to try to tell you a little bit about my Dr's visit yesterday, minus the video.
What I expected was something like, "stop running, your'e too old, take these drugs and go away!"
And for the first 45 minutes that is what I thought I was getting. It took him that long to ask me all the questions he needed to understand my entire life, or perhaps that was the point at which I was able to convince him that I was in charge, not him!
In his defence he's probably used to people who want him to be the wise giver of advice and drugs, and so the role comes naturally.
But once I managed to interrupt enough times to get him to hear my story, the whole discussion changed.
Here's a summary of the last 15 minutes
1) He totally understood my desperate need to run, and he totally understood the euphoric feeling that only comes with prolonged, demanding exercise.
2) He has no doubt that the mind controls the body to the point that it could self destruct my running, despite the absence of any physical limitation.
3) He believes that anxiety, more often than depression is the culprit in these situations.
4) He believes that anti-depressant medications are the right answer in less than half of patients, and furthermore, that in a vast majority of them, it is simply placebo effect rather than the drug itself that helps. That's the main reason he prescribes them....because people think they're gonna help!! Holy cow!!
5) He believes that I am much better off exercising regularly than taking drugs, even if it's just vigorous walking.
6) In my specific case he accepts the possibility that I am unable to run, just because all my worry and anxiety has stolen my belief in myself.
7) When I explained that I would start to feel faint after 10 secs of running, but that my heart rate would not go up, he looked at me kinda funny. Then he asked why I would think that my heart rate should go up in 10 secs, if indeed I was in any kinda shape? Hmmm? In his opinion the faint headedness had nothing to do with blood supply to my brain!!
7) He admitted to not being an expert, but if I didn't have concussion symptoms of headache, nausea, and dizziness in the week following my accident, that it's unlikely I had a brain injury. I still may ask my family physician to see if he can get me a scan or something next time I see him, but I won't make a specific appt for the purpose.
8) And then he told me something I would never, ever expect to hear from a doctor of any speciality. I actually started laughing. His advice for when I get light headed and am about to faint?
"Just keep running until you fall down! When you wake up, get up and run some more. If you need to puke, then just puke, and keep running!" It was at this point that he reconfirmed that I had seen a cardiologist, but once I reassured him, he went on to explain. He said that if an anxiety has no basis in reality, then it needs to be faced head on. He did in the end make the point that I should avoid falling down on gravel or pavement, so he's not a total masochistic monster.
Crazy eh??!!
In the end I kinda got a hint as to why he was so understanding. He had his one hand in a cast, and after getting to know him a bit, I felt comfortable to ask him why? He explained.....an accident in his martial arts class!! Love it!
So I'm still processing all this. but I can tell you that without going off half cocked, I feel at least a bit of optimism. Funny how most people furiously resist the idea that's it's all in their head, but that's exactly what I want to hear. I'm actually quite proud of that, because it speaks to my open mindedness, and perhaps even to my intelligence?
And while I have no idea whether any of his advice will eventually lead me back to running, at the very least it has given me a resolve to start dealing with some of the tension in my life. Either by making changes to those stressors I can, or by simply accepting them for what they are.
And that's it for now. I promise more once I've had some time to think.
Oh....and not that it means anything....but I went out for a walk today, and of my 7.5 kms, all but about 300 metres was jogging!!!
Anxiety does not empty tomorrow of its sorrows, but only empties today of its strength."---Charles Spurgeon
But that's not the surprise I want to talk about. I want to try to tell you a little bit about my Dr's visit yesterday, minus the video.
What I expected was something like, "stop running, your'e too old, take these drugs and go away!"
And for the first 45 minutes that is what I thought I was getting. It took him that long to ask me all the questions he needed to understand my entire life, or perhaps that was the point at which I was able to convince him that I was in charge, not him!
In his defence he's probably used to people who want him to be the wise giver of advice and drugs, and so the role comes naturally.
But once I managed to interrupt enough times to get him to hear my story, the whole discussion changed.
Here's a summary of the last 15 minutes
1) He totally understood my desperate need to run, and he totally understood the euphoric feeling that only comes with prolonged, demanding exercise.
2) He has no doubt that the mind controls the body to the point that it could self destruct my running, despite the absence of any physical limitation.
3) He believes that anxiety, more often than depression is the culprit in these situations.
4) He believes that anti-depressant medications are the right answer in less than half of patients, and furthermore, that in a vast majority of them, it is simply placebo effect rather than the drug itself that helps. That's the main reason he prescribes them....because people think they're gonna help!! Holy cow!!
5) He believes that I am much better off exercising regularly than taking drugs, even if it's just vigorous walking.
6) In my specific case he accepts the possibility that I am unable to run, just because all my worry and anxiety has stolen my belief in myself.
7) When I explained that I would start to feel faint after 10 secs of running, but that my heart rate would not go up, he looked at me kinda funny. Then he asked why I would think that my heart rate should go up in 10 secs, if indeed I was in any kinda shape? Hmmm? In his opinion the faint headedness had nothing to do with blood supply to my brain!!
7) He admitted to not being an expert, but if I didn't have concussion symptoms of headache, nausea, and dizziness in the week following my accident, that it's unlikely I had a brain injury. I still may ask my family physician to see if he can get me a scan or something next time I see him, but I won't make a specific appt for the purpose.
8) And then he told me something I would never, ever expect to hear from a doctor of any speciality. I actually started laughing. His advice for when I get light headed and am about to faint?
"Just keep running until you fall down! When you wake up, get up and run some more. If you need to puke, then just puke, and keep running!" It was at this point that he reconfirmed that I had seen a cardiologist, but once I reassured him, he went on to explain. He said that if an anxiety has no basis in reality, then it needs to be faced head on. He did in the end make the point that I should avoid falling down on gravel or pavement, so he's not a total masochistic monster.
Crazy eh??!!
In the end I kinda got a hint as to why he was so understanding. He had his one hand in a cast, and after getting to know him a bit, I felt comfortable to ask him why? He explained.....an accident in his martial arts class!! Love it!
So I'm still processing all this. but I can tell you that without going off half cocked, I feel at least a bit of optimism. Funny how most people furiously resist the idea that's it's all in their head, but that's exactly what I want to hear. I'm actually quite proud of that, because it speaks to my open mindedness, and perhaps even to my intelligence?
And while I have no idea whether any of his advice will eventually lead me back to running, at the very least it has given me a resolve to start dealing with some of the tension in my life. Either by making changes to those stressors I can, or by simply accepting them for what they are.
And that's it for now. I promise more once I've had some time to think.
Oh....and not that it means anything....but I went out for a walk today, and of my 7.5 kms, all but about 300 metres was jogging!!!
Anxiety does not empty tomorrow of its sorrows, but only empties today of its strength."---Charles Spurgeon
Love
Peter
Yes, freaky! And it would have been freakier had I remembered to add in the part about doing something about the fear of dying (at least that part of the anxiety) as soon as I learn to use Skype. My therapist moved to Victoria but is willing to continue to work with me. I am just delighted that the shrink you found is one of the good guys. As you know, therapy is work, so hang in there for the long run.
ReplyDeleteLove, gail
Awesome :) He sounds like a good guy, and someone you can go see again should you want or need to, and I'm glad you got something out of this! Wonderful :)
ReplyDeleteLove,
Michael