Or maybe I am??
The day started out in crazy fashion with a remembrance of my dreams. There were two specifically that are still with me as I write this.
In the first case I was outside hanging around with Kylie and Roo when I noticed that the sky seemed a little odd on this day. Almost as if I could reach out and touch it. Sure enough, I could! I had to leap very far into the air, like 500 metres or something, but when I did touch it, it felt very solid.
Crazy eh?
As I drifted back down to earth, I couldn't help but notice that the sky was following me down. The whole world seemed to be shrinking! The last thought I had, either before I went on to the next dream, or before the world ended, was exactly that....the world was ending!! I remember my only regret being that all of my grandchildren weren't with me at the time.
Crazy eh"
And then I went on to a more rational dream. I had captured a giant chipmunk with my bare hands. Knowing full well that catching one of them without some kind of device was impossible, I prepared to set up the trap to capture him normally. I sat the chipmunk on the ground and told him to wait. I don't know why I was surprised to find him missing when I was ready to stuff him into the trap?
Crazy eh?
But the whole world really took a turn for the bizarre after I woke up. As I mentioned yesterday I really need to practice patience with my running now, otherwise I'm gonna be right back where I started from. My poor attempt yesterday should have clearly imprinted that idea on me, and yet somehow I want desperately to prove that Sunday was no fluke. Last evening I had this brain wave that I would go and run/walk the trails this morning. Trails tend to let you relax a bit more, as just being in the trees and running on natural surfaces keeps you grounded, so to speak. I was quite comfortable with the idea of just doing what I could, and I fully expected to enjoy it.
I had to do all my school shuttle activities first, and they don't end until about 10 am so I was pretty late getting going. For some reason some nervousness gradually set in, and in fact by the time I got to the conservation area I was more than a little anxious. The weather could have had an impact as by that time it was snowing like mad, and I was also starting to wonder about the condition of the trails given the rain we had a few nights ago. I suspect however that the biggest reason for my nervousness was due to a lack of confidence. I used to run this 6 km section of trail with such joy, and with such reckless abandon, and yet it's probably been two years since I even managed to get all the way around without walking.
But I was there, and I was gonna give it a shot! After all, just two days ago I ran 10 kms totally in control. Surely trails are a different animal, but I seen no reason I shouldn't be able to jog/walk as needed, and be able to enjoy my efforts.
Within 10 freakin seconds I had to walk because of dizziness. I know I'm supposed to keep running until I fall down, but I'm pretty sure that I would have, and I didn't think it was the wisest of places to do so. I could have been seriously hurt, as they are not sunday walk with grampa trails, and I was there by myself. I walked!
Crazy eh?
But I went on for a minute or so, still intending on doing the route even if I had to walk the whole way. Until I got to the first half frozen mud hole! No way was I in the frame of mind to plunge my feet into that cold bog, so I turned around and headed back to my truck. On the walk back I considered various options including running the roads around there, coming home and running my usual roads, or even coming home and taking my bike out. None of them appealed to me, but as I started driving back I had another brainwave. Why not return to the scene of my recent success and see what I could do there? Maybe running at least part of Sundays fun run would get me a little exercise, and if I was very patient, return a little confidence.
Crazy eh?
And this is were it got really bizarre! It was like deja vu all over again as they say!! I was very nervous for the first half, started gaining confidence over the next few kms, and ran with total joy for the last couple. And here''s the kicker.....I did the exact same route faster than race day!!! By more than a minute!!
Crazy eh?
I don't know what else to say. No matter which way I twist these things around, no matter which angle I look at it from, no matter how much I read or study running problems, it seems undeniable that my problems are all in my head. Is it possible that simply believing one can or can not do something can make such a difference, and that it actually manifest itself in physical symptoms this powerful. Powerful enough to leave me power"less" to do something that my body by itself seems to be quite capable of doing. I find that utterly fantastic!
Crazy eh?
And that's it. Tomorrow I am definitely not going running as I know I just need to absorb this a little bit. If the weather cooperates I will try to get a ride in, and perhaps make you a little vid. I have thoughts to share with you from my latest reading. I may or may not have told you about the book I was gifted that I'm quite enjoying. One way or another, I promise more about that in the coming days.
One last thought. I remember back in my business days dealing with an employee who was off work due to injury, and was having trouble returning. The doctors told him that he had a somatic disorder, that there was nothing physically wrong with him, and that the insurer was not gonna pay to keep him off any longer. He/she found the diagnosis impossible to accept, primarily because the symptoms were totally real to him/her. At the time I wasn't sure if I believed him/her, as it just seemed so unfathomable, especially in light of what had been a fairly minor injury in the first place, that he/she was really hurting as much as he described. I no longer find it so incredible.....
"Crazy people don't worry about being crazy - that's the whole problem.” ---Anon
Love
Peter
The day started out in crazy fashion with a remembrance of my dreams. There were two specifically that are still with me as I write this.
In the first case I was outside hanging around with Kylie and Roo when I noticed that the sky seemed a little odd on this day. Almost as if I could reach out and touch it. Sure enough, I could! I had to leap very far into the air, like 500 metres or something, but when I did touch it, it felt very solid.
Crazy eh?
As I drifted back down to earth, I couldn't help but notice that the sky was following me down. The whole world seemed to be shrinking! The last thought I had, either before I went on to the next dream, or before the world ended, was exactly that....the world was ending!! I remember my only regret being that all of my grandchildren weren't with me at the time.
Crazy eh"
And then I went on to a more rational dream. I had captured a giant chipmunk with my bare hands. Knowing full well that catching one of them without some kind of device was impossible, I prepared to set up the trap to capture him normally. I sat the chipmunk on the ground and told him to wait. I don't know why I was surprised to find him missing when I was ready to stuff him into the trap?
Crazy eh?
But the whole world really took a turn for the bizarre after I woke up. As I mentioned yesterday I really need to practice patience with my running now, otherwise I'm gonna be right back where I started from. My poor attempt yesterday should have clearly imprinted that idea on me, and yet somehow I want desperately to prove that Sunday was no fluke. Last evening I had this brain wave that I would go and run/walk the trails this morning. Trails tend to let you relax a bit more, as just being in the trees and running on natural surfaces keeps you grounded, so to speak. I was quite comfortable with the idea of just doing what I could, and I fully expected to enjoy it.
I had to do all my school shuttle activities first, and they don't end until about 10 am so I was pretty late getting going. For some reason some nervousness gradually set in, and in fact by the time I got to the conservation area I was more than a little anxious. The weather could have had an impact as by that time it was snowing like mad, and I was also starting to wonder about the condition of the trails given the rain we had a few nights ago. I suspect however that the biggest reason for my nervousness was due to a lack of confidence. I used to run this 6 km section of trail with such joy, and with such reckless abandon, and yet it's probably been two years since I even managed to get all the way around without walking.
But I was there, and I was gonna give it a shot! After all, just two days ago I ran 10 kms totally in control. Surely trails are a different animal, but I seen no reason I shouldn't be able to jog/walk as needed, and be able to enjoy my efforts.
Within 10 freakin seconds I had to walk because of dizziness. I know I'm supposed to keep running until I fall down, but I'm pretty sure that I would have, and I didn't think it was the wisest of places to do so. I could have been seriously hurt, as they are not sunday walk with grampa trails, and I was there by myself. I walked!
Crazy eh?
But I went on for a minute or so, still intending on doing the route even if I had to walk the whole way. Until I got to the first half frozen mud hole! No way was I in the frame of mind to plunge my feet into that cold bog, so I turned around and headed back to my truck. On the walk back I considered various options including running the roads around there, coming home and running my usual roads, or even coming home and taking my bike out. None of them appealed to me, but as I started driving back I had another brainwave. Why not return to the scene of my recent success and see what I could do there? Maybe running at least part of Sundays fun run would get me a little exercise, and if I was very patient, return a little confidence.
Crazy eh?
And this is were it got really bizarre! It was like deja vu all over again as they say!! I was very nervous for the first half, started gaining confidence over the next few kms, and ran with total joy for the last couple. And here''s the kicker.....I did the exact same route faster than race day!!! By more than a minute!!
Crazy eh?
I don't know what else to say. No matter which way I twist these things around, no matter which angle I look at it from, no matter how much I read or study running problems, it seems undeniable that my problems are all in my head. Is it possible that simply believing one can or can not do something can make such a difference, and that it actually manifest itself in physical symptoms this powerful. Powerful enough to leave me power"less" to do something that my body by itself seems to be quite capable of doing. I find that utterly fantastic!
Crazy eh?
And that's it. Tomorrow I am definitely not going running as I know I just need to absorb this a little bit. If the weather cooperates I will try to get a ride in, and perhaps make you a little vid. I have thoughts to share with you from my latest reading. I may or may not have told you about the book I was gifted that I'm quite enjoying. One way or another, I promise more about that in the coming days.
One last thought. I remember back in my business days dealing with an employee who was off work due to injury, and was having trouble returning. The doctors told him that he had a somatic disorder, that there was nothing physically wrong with him, and that the insurer was not gonna pay to keep him off any longer. He/she found the diagnosis impossible to accept, primarily because the symptoms were totally real to him/her. At the time I wasn't sure if I believed him/her, as it just seemed so unfathomable, especially in light of what had been a fairly minor injury in the first place, that he/she was really hurting as much as he described. I no longer find it so incredible.....
"Crazy people don't worry about being crazy - that's the whole problem.” ---Anon
Love
Peter
If you really want something to think about, imagine that same power being in your control, being used to accomplish things that are important to you!
ReplyDeletelove holij
...and watch chicken little, it's a good movie!
ReplyDeleteYou know darn well how powerful the mind can be. Social psychologists talk about how perceptions of reality can become reaity itself and maybe that's what you need. A perception of reality that incudes the very things you want to accomplish. Maybe then, if you really believe your perception, it will become reality. None of your thoughts or dreams are crazy, at least not to me. Keep on keeping on, little brother.
ReplyDeleteLove, gail