Elly used the expression pity party the other day, and like her I am loath at times to whine too much for fear of eliciting that very reaction from anyone who has to hear it, or read it. Actually I should make a distinction there. If one is verbalizing ones whining to a captive audience (read that as spouse, child parent, friend) then I think you need to be considerate of your level of self pity. If one is however doing his/her whining on the internet, then no apologies necessary for whatever you write. After all. The next blog is only a click away if you don't like what you read here.
And the beauty of whining this way, besides the fact that you don't have to worry so much about who likes it, is that it can be a cathartic way of just getting stuff off your chest.
That's the case for me at the moment. It's just after 5 o'clock, and I knew that I could not wait til evening to write this. I have a great deal of irrational anxiety right now, and I'm hoping this will help.
And while I say irrational, the anxiety, or I even dare say fear, is I believe just part of a greater anxiety. That is one of growing old, and fading away.
You see I went to the dentist yesterday, and he told me that my infected tooth has to come out. Although I knew it was a possibility, I didn't consider it a probability, and as such was quite taken aback. To remind you of my history, I have already had two upper molars removed since my illness, both due to root fractures, and when you combine that with the fact that my wisdom teeth have been gone for 40 years, I'm left with one lonely top molar. Even it is pretty useless because it's a lonely one stuck all by itself. Further to that, the front tooth that I lost in a wrestling match when I was 16 has resulted in a bridge that has frequently given me trouble over the years. I effectively have 8 complete teeth remaining in my top jaw, and when I say complete, many of those are mostly filling.
The other element of this whole dental saga is of course the radiation treatments I had in 2007, which leave me forever vulnerable to osteoradionecrosis. You may recall that as a prophylactic measure the last time I had teeth pulled I made 30 visits to Hamilton to spend 2 hours a day in a Hyperbaric Oxygen Therapy. That ain't gonna happen this time for a couple of reasons, namely that I no longer have the kind of medical support I still had at that time, and I simply don't want either the long wait to access this service, or the long drives to somewhere to get it done. I'm kinda counting on the fact that the upper jaw is less susceptible to this illness, simply because it has greater blood supply.
To compound all that I have decided that this will be my last visit to this dentist. I have been going to him for 30 years, and while he has been terrific for most of that time, I can suddenly see that he is simply milking it. I'm pretty sure that he's quite a rich man but his equipment is starting to fall apart, and he seems to have less and less time to talk to the patients. The final straw for me came yesterday, when I seen the big un-repaired hole in the drywall beside the dental chair!! It looked like someone tried to put their foot through it, and it was not a new hole!!! Holy crap!! Have some professionalism!!
So that makes tomorrow my last day there because that's when I'm having this tooth pulled. If you've eve had this done you will know that it's not any fun. They literally break the tooth into pieces and then yank one chunk out at a time.
So yes, I'm afraid. Afraid of the actual event tomorrow, afraid of dentures at some point, and of course afraid of getting old and becoming irrelevant.
I'll keep you posted.
And your smile of the day comes as it often does from my eldest grandchild. After I expressed my anxiety to him yesterday, I also asked him if he would take care of me when I was old and feeble, and wearing diapers . He thought about it for a second, then the smirk started to form, and then with undisguised pleasure he said, "isn't that now?" Brat!
That's it. Have pity on me!
I suppose this guy sets the example for us all.
"I don't have much positive to say about motor neuron disease, but it taught me not to pity myself because others were worse off, and to get on with what I still could do. I'm happier now than before I developed the condition."---Stephen Hawking
...and I really like this one....
"Often it does seem such a pity that Noah and his party did not miss the boat."---Mark Twain
Love
Peter
And the beauty of whining this way, besides the fact that you don't have to worry so much about who likes it, is that it can be a cathartic way of just getting stuff off your chest.
That's the case for me at the moment. It's just after 5 o'clock, and I knew that I could not wait til evening to write this. I have a great deal of irrational anxiety right now, and I'm hoping this will help.
And while I say irrational, the anxiety, or I even dare say fear, is I believe just part of a greater anxiety. That is one of growing old, and fading away.
You see I went to the dentist yesterday, and he told me that my infected tooth has to come out. Although I knew it was a possibility, I didn't consider it a probability, and as such was quite taken aback. To remind you of my history, I have already had two upper molars removed since my illness, both due to root fractures, and when you combine that with the fact that my wisdom teeth have been gone for 40 years, I'm left with one lonely top molar. Even it is pretty useless because it's a lonely one stuck all by itself. Further to that, the front tooth that I lost in a wrestling match when I was 16 has resulted in a bridge that has frequently given me trouble over the years. I effectively have 8 complete teeth remaining in my top jaw, and when I say complete, many of those are mostly filling.
The other element of this whole dental saga is of course the radiation treatments I had in 2007, which leave me forever vulnerable to osteoradionecrosis. You may recall that as a prophylactic measure the last time I had teeth pulled I made 30 visits to Hamilton to spend 2 hours a day in a Hyperbaric Oxygen Therapy. That ain't gonna happen this time for a couple of reasons, namely that I no longer have the kind of medical support I still had at that time, and I simply don't want either the long wait to access this service, or the long drives to somewhere to get it done. I'm kinda counting on the fact that the upper jaw is less susceptible to this illness, simply because it has greater blood supply.
To compound all that I have decided that this will be my last visit to this dentist. I have been going to him for 30 years, and while he has been terrific for most of that time, I can suddenly see that he is simply milking it. I'm pretty sure that he's quite a rich man but his equipment is starting to fall apart, and he seems to have less and less time to talk to the patients. The final straw for me came yesterday, when I seen the big un-repaired hole in the drywall beside the dental chair!! It looked like someone tried to put their foot through it, and it was not a new hole!!! Holy crap!! Have some professionalism!!
So that makes tomorrow my last day there because that's when I'm having this tooth pulled. If you've eve had this done you will know that it's not any fun. They literally break the tooth into pieces and then yank one chunk out at a time.
So yes, I'm afraid. Afraid of the actual event tomorrow, afraid of dentures at some point, and of course afraid of getting old and becoming irrelevant.
I'll keep you posted.
And your smile of the day comes as it often does from my eldest grandchild. After I expressed my anxiety to him yesterday, I also asked him if he would take care of me when I was old and feeble, and wearing diapers . He thought about it for a second, then the smirk started to form, and then with undisguised pleasure he said, "isn't that now?" Brat!
That's it. Have pity on me!
I suppose this guy sets the example for us all.
"I don't have much positive to say about motor neuron disease, but it taught me not to pity myself because others were worse off, and to get on with what I still could do. I'm happier now than before I developed the condition."---Stephen Hawking
...and I really like this one....
"Often it does seem such a pity that Noah and his party did not miss the boat."---Mark Twain
Love
Peter
Sending you love and healing energy Pete. xo
ReplyDeleteYou will get older, although not necessarily old. You may have dentures, hearing aids and need a cane to get around, but, little brother, you ain't never gonna be irrelevant!!
ReplyDeleteLove,
gail