"Such Wisdom"

I love it when I can provoke others into sharing their thoughts.  I know I don't have many readers left after some sporadic posting, but I cherish each and every one of them.  I am especially grateful for those who take the time to express their detailed thoughts.  Although I'm a pretty opinionated guy (smile) I like to believe that given some contrasting opinions, I am open to flexing mine.

So  thank you, Mike, John, and Lish for your recent contributions.

After reading your stuff I wish to "update" some of my thoughts on depression.  I will concede that indeed those people that have the challenge, or opportunity if you will,  of either working with, or living with a depressed person or persons, may indeed be qualified to talk about it.  I like the distinction that Mike makes between sadness and depression, as indeed they are radically different things in my opinion.  I believe that sadness can much more readily be influenced by changing ones thoughts, than depression can.  Depression has many physiological factors that can't just be changed by positive thinking. 

I also like the point that John makes and that Lish expresses in a different way, that it's quite possible to understand well enough to be able to discuss depression, without being able to understand what it feels like.  Certainly that is contrary to my quote which specifically mentions "talking".

The last point I wish to discuss that seems to be of interest, is why do I talk about it?  I know exactly why I talk about it, and I am convinced that this is an area where I have a keen insight.  Trust me, it has nothing to do with educating anyone, even though I love the dialogue.  Tell me what you think.  

I talk about it out of fear.  Desperation even!  When I stop talking about the pain, and start collapsing into myself, I know it's a very dangerous place to go.  The only reason I ever hesitate is to avoid causing pain to those around me, especially my partner.  But I try to remember that I am important enough to my loved ones that they want me to do what I need to do.   

John, I am 100% convinced that  while whining about certain aspects of life can indeed be self fulfilling, (money, family, job etc), the exact opposite is true for any kind of mental or emotional illness.  One needs to talk about such things, and talk lots.  I am convinced that many people die needlessly at their own hands, because those around them mistook their reduced complaining for improvement in their condition, whereas in actual fact, the sick person had simply given up.  How often do you hear this at the funeral home?  "I thought he was doing so much better".

That may sound dramatic, but since I've decided to be candid, I may as well go all the way.  In the past year I have considered suicide many times, but unfortunately for me that's not a way out.  I say unfortunately because for me it would be so easy to just drift away from my pain.  The problem is I'm  too loved, and I love too much.  I guess that's not really a problem eh?   And thoughts of suicide are easy do dispel, just by thinking about my grandchildren.  

And if it seems intolerable that some one as lucky as I am can feel so desperate, trust me I think the exact same thing.  It is intolerable, unconscionable, ridiculous, absurd, and very, very, hard to understand.  Part of talking so much about it is in a continuing effort to find some answers that make sense.  

Anyway, I don't know if my theory holds water in any clinical sense, but it's clear in my own case.   I can not stop talking about it until I'm better.

Thanks for reading.  Love you all.  

...and I suspect this person understands what depression "feels" like...

“That's the thing about depression: A human being can survive almost anything, as long as she sees the end in sight. But depression is so insidious, and it compounds daily, that it's impossible to ever see the end.” ---  Elizabeth Wurtzel, Prozac Nation

Love

Peter