"On Grand-parenting"

There are many elements to being a grandparent.  Most are easy, and a few are hard.

Can you guess which category this fit into?

How do I look?  I'm especially looking forward to taking Colby to hockey practice tomorrow.  He may make me wear a hat!

We got home early afternoon from the tournament (we were eliminated after 3 games), and since Ky was already here we decided to take the opportunity to get this task done.  We've been planning it for a while actually, and were only waiting for my hair to get long enough.  It just don't grow as fast as it used to!

"Love makes all things easy."---Dwight L Moody

Love
Peter

"Won One, Lost One"

But no matter what the game situation or the end result, my grandson played with passion and enthusiasm, and his work ethic never faltered!  That's all I care about!

Of course he doesn't like losing, and that I like as well.  

One more game tomorrow morning.  If we lose we go home, if we win, we play on....maybe...

For those who care, I'll explain how it works.  Every game has a 5 point system.  One point for each, period,  and 2 points for the game.  If you tie any of those you split the points.  So far we have won one game (2 points), won 2 periods (2 points), and tied one period (1/2 point) for a total of 4 1/2 points.  So we could actually win tomorrow morning and still not advance, depending on how the other teams do.  We shall see.

Mean while, as my friend Roo is fond of telling her grandchildren...

"You is kind, you is smart, you is important!"   Kathryn Stockett  (The Help)

Love

Peter

"Aint Got No Top Sheet"

Damn, drove all the way to Wallaceburg, Ontario, and while the rest of my life may be perfect, I'm a little annoyed with the Days Inn.  Actually NOT!  I think I'll survive.

Colb and I are nicely checked into the hotel and we ain't moving for the next 14 hours.  The occasion is Colb's weekend hockey tournament in neighbouring Dresden, and while we could have driven each day, we chose to book a room and use our time relaxing instead.

Life is good!

And I can't be mad at the nice people at this hotel because they provided me with my quote for the day.  It was posted in the lobby, and it's a good one!

"God bless everyone.  No exceptions!!"---Anon

Love
Peter

"Frustration and Realization"

The kids were very tired this morning after our travels last night, and I was alone in getting them up for school since Mom and Roo are both at their paying jobs.  I am working very hard at being patient with them as they go through their growing pains, both because it's good for me, and good for our relationships.

Never the less, it seemed such a chore this morning to get them fed, showered, and dressed, and all in a timely manner such that they would arrive at school at their appointed time.  The biggest test came when one of them walked leisurely out to the truck where I was waiting, eating a piece of candy after having eaten only half of their breakfast!  I stayed calm and yet it stressed me.......until.....it hit me like a ton of bricks!!!!

I'm their damn grandfather, not their father!!  I'll just squeal on them to their mother, and then be done with it.  Actually I may not even do that.  After all, they stay here very rarely on school days anymore, and if on those rare occasions they eat candy for breakfast, is it really gonna change the world any?  NOT!

And with this one little bit of letting go, with this one little realization, I felt a sense of relief...of satisfaction even. Nice....

I'm trying something a little different today, and I may try to make a habit of it.  I'm writing in the morning again, before I even work out.  As long as winter holds on that's not a bad idea anyway, as the temp usually goes up as the day wears on.  It's not so cold today, but there's a big time wind.  I'm glad it's walk day!

And that's about all for now except for some responses I owe, so here goes.

Gail, maybe your thought about grandchildren was the very same one as I just expressed?

Jonathan, thanks for the ultimate compliment, but please try to emulate only about half of my traits.  Well actually about 40% would be wiser yet.

Deb, Mike, John, Roo, yes I suppose it's all about being at peace with where you are, and with what your best is for today.  Easy to say, hard to do, when you've been practicing the opposite all your freakin life!

John, while you cannot edit your comment once you've posted it, you can actually delete the entire post and re-submit it.  Certainly that's what I would do if I had made such an embarrassing error in punctuation!

Deb, you're just as anal as John (and I) by adding a correction.  Trust me, I recognize the trait.  It's not out of fear that we may be misunderstood, but rather out of fear of being seen as less than brilliant???

Elly, it even looks weird to me when I see myself without glasses.  Also, thanks for your never ending optimism (learn that from holij?).  And although I refuse to have any hope for the future, I at least allow myself to think in possibility.

Betty, yes, if your brother can call himself happy, old, lucky, ironman, john, then certainly you can call yourself anything you like.  Also I agree that everything is both fabulous and terrifying.

Roo, there are no words other than the ones I may steal from the old Bea Arthur character.  "God'll get you for that"  I mean it the exact opposite way that Maude intended it for Walter!

Deb, Mike, Roo....who gives a shit about your stupid poker nights?!  Keep your personal addiction issues off of my blog.  Just kidding of course, and as a matter of fact reading your interaction reminds me once again of the amazing miracle of your relationship.  For those of you that don't know, through some incredible series of events, my crazy wife, my gay son, and a former co-worker of mine (she got fired too) are the best of friends.  Thank goodness for that because they were all a lot of work for me until they found each other.  lol   Damn, I kill me!!

And I found so many fantastic "realization" quotes, but here's a few of my favourites.

"The goal towards which the pleasure principle impels us - of becoming happy - is not attainable: yet we may not - nay, cannot - give up the efforts to come nearer to realization of it by some means or other."---Sigmund Freud

"The only limit to our realization of tomorrow will be our doubts of today"---Franklin D. Roosevelt

....and this next one I find astounding.  If I envy anyone as much as a person who can run, it may be a person who can think amazing thoughts, and then put them into amazing words....

"Once the realization is accepted that even between the closest human beings infinite distances continue, a wonderful living side by side can grow, if they succeed in loving the distance between them which makes it possible for each to see the other whole against the sky."---Rainer Maria Rilke

Freakin blows me away.  "to see the other whole against the sky"!!!

Love
Peter

"A Picture"

I call it "Rose Amongst the Thorns".  Pretty original eh?.

And thanks everyone for the interaction.  I'm gonna get into the habit of responding to it all, but tonite  I'm too tired.  The hockey game was in St Marys, and it's already past my bed time.

Love
Peter

"I'm an Idiot"

Now I know that doesn't come as a news flash to any of you, or at least those of you that have had a long term relationship with me. But please also acknowledge that I have never denied it.  On the contrary, I have loudly and proudly proclaimed it many times.

Today however brought it's very own example.  I was working on a Roo project that involved cutting boards, wine glasses, and full wine bottles. I was working away at the kitchen island, and instead of putting the fragile parts out of reach while I marked up the cutting board I left it all sitting there.  A sudden slip, sent bottles and glasses spinning everywhere.  With the extraordinary luck that most idiots are born with, not a one of them hit the floor, and not a one of them was even scratched!!  I just smiled...

And while that's typical idiot behaviour for me, it's probably the least serious kind.  Unfortunately, I'm an even bigger idiot when it comes to the really important things in life.  Fortunately, just like the near miss with the wine glasses, I can also smile at my idiocy with the heavier stuff.

I don't know when it dawned on me--I think probably sometime during my Roo project-- that I had been an idiot in a more philosophical sense.  Flash back to yesterday when I posted a really cool bridge crossing video expounding on the need for change, while emphasizing that "there was no going back"!!

And then proceeded to whine about feeling defeated!!

I don't know if anyone else caught the irony or not, but it suddenly became clear to me, (crystal clear you might say as wine glasses were spinning precariously across the counter top ) that the reason I was feeling defeated was because I had totally neglected my resolve to make change, and to give up some control.

Every damn day I got out riding/running/walking,  I let my thoughts return to Ironman and everything that encompasses; the fitness, the glory, the self image.  If I'm truly serious about change, and truly serious about giving up control, then I need to get serious about truly enjoying an 11 km walk in January!!!  How many people would even look forward to such a thing???

Anyway, with this realization, I had a truly wonderful day.  I chose not to work out at all, and instead focused on something my lovely needed done.  I have some small skills that go beyond triathlon, and I am so blessed to have someone that appreciates those skills.  The double pleasure I felt today in making her happy, while also doing something that I enjoy, is a gift that's not to be taken lightly.

As to what I built, you'll have to wait and see til the time is right.  Trust me though, I did a nice job  :)  Somewhere, sometime,  maybe it will make someone else happy as well.

"If you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change."---Wayne Dyer

and I really like this one...I need to crawl out of my shell

"It may be hard for an egg to turn into a bird: it would be a jolly sight harder for it to learn to fly while remaining an egg. We are like eggs at present. And you cannot go on indefinitely being just an ordinary, decent egg. We must be hatched or go bad."  C.S. Lewis

Love
Peter

"Feeling Defeated""

Giving up control sometimes feels simply like giving up!  At least today it does.  I went out for my walk, which I always hope may turn into a bit of a run, but it just ain't happening.  Today I walked half way down the driveway before I tried jogging a few steps.  Well actually a few may be an exaggeration.  I literally had to stop and get my head down between my knees after about 6 steps.  The option was to pass out!  Ridiculous!

How the f&*k can this be?  I got no answers!!  I wanna quit!

I still managed to travel 11 kms, and I even did a couple of them at a very slow jogging pace, but there's little satisfaction in it for me.

For today I leave you with this...as promised.  It is pretty cool. 

"Defeat doesn't finish a man, quit does. A man is not finished when he's defeated. He's finished when he quits."---Richard Nixon

Love
Peter

"Time For Change"

Of course!  What else?

I'm writing this post in the morning which is a very unusual thing for me.  I woke up on this beautiful January Sunday feeling very down.  I immediately questioned why I made a commitment to start blogging again, because depression is not normally conducive to a desire to interact with the world.

Alas, it also tells me why I decided to (needed to) do so.

Because I need to make changes.  As I evaluate my 60 year old life, and consider living for another twenty, I'm pretty sure that I want it to be different than the last several have been.  And no, I'm not bemoaning the recent years of my life, nor the decisions I've made, I just know that many things need to be different from here on in.

I also know that change doesn't happen instantly, or just because I crave it, and so I will try to be patient with myself, while remaining determined.

I could start with a long list of things that I want to start doing, or an even longer list of what I want to stop doing, but I think it's best to start in general terms, and then go from there.

I think my needs probably centre around two very different, but in my case at least, very inter-related themes.   Two very giant, all encompassing themes.

Parenthood!   &  Control!

In very basic terms, I have to give up both of them.  Yes!  Give them up!  Stop parenting, and stop trying to control the world.  "IT'S TIME!!!!"

So that's what I'm gonna be focusing on in the coming months, and the very idea frightens the hell out of me.  Be patient, but just like ironman, hold me accountable....please!

The other issue I will de discussing at length is of course my health, and as I mentioned, both mental and physical.  More on that as time wears on.

And I think that's enough for today, but before I go, a picture.  For undetermined reasons, right now I can not run at all, and since I do not feel like sitting in the basement on the trainer, I talked to Roo about trying to ride outside.  While that's certainly possible to do on a road or triathlon bike, it's not very much fun in the winter time.  As always Roo supported my decision to invest in this.  It cost lees than a years worth of cigarettes, and yet when the year is over, I will still have it.

I really, really like it, and I am even a bit surprised at how much I love riding it.  I don't even mind the  half hour it takes to prepare to go riding in the cold.  It's a Trek, carbon fibre, front suspension mountain bike, model name Superfly!!  Nice eh?  As an aside, I had to spend $33 on a pair of socks (3 days cigarettes, or one day of booze), but I don't resent that a bit!!

Once Colby gets up today I'm gonna get my gear on, have him set me put with his GoPro, and get out there for an hour or so.  I will try my best to get a short clip of video, and see if I can post it on here tomorrow.  The sun is shining!!  Game on!

It's time!

And below may be just the inspiration I need.  The longer I keep modelling my current behaviour the greater the chance my children will emulate it.  And an even greater fear may be that it could do the same to my grandchildren......       I think "it's time".

"Don't try to make children grow up to be like you, or they may do it."---Russell Baker

Love
Peter

"Time For What?"

It's been a long time coming, this decision to start blogging again, but the time finally feels right.  I checked, and over the span of the last 7 1/2 years and 5 separate blogs, I have posted almost 1800 times!  While that's not proof that I have ever had anything to say of any value to the world in general, it would seem to indicate that perhaps there's been some value in it for me.  And I think I can honestly say that once more, personal gain is my motivator.  Writing stuff down makes me a happier person!  That's not to say that I don't enjoy the idea that others may read it, but even then I think I am motivated more by the dialogue that it brings than any need for validation of my own thoughts or beliefs.  On the contrary, I welcome opposing views with open arms.

As to why the decision has been a long time coming, and in the spirit of openness that I hope to take to new levels with this blog, I have not been writing, primarily, because I have been too unhappy to reach out to the world.  I do not want to belabour that at this point however, since it's in the past, but suffice it to say that if I didn't have so many responsibilities, I would have chosen to live to 60 instead of the previous plan of 80.  But alas, I'm still here, and still fighting!  Oh, and over sixty!!

The other more mundane reason for the delay is that I didn't have a theme, or a title.  I knew I would need both before I could get started.  The funny thing is that I think I was going about it wrong.  I have strictly adhered to the two syllable limitation on all my previous blogs titles, and in my obsession with achieving that again, I was focused on the title, instead of the theme.  When I suddenly discovered the 'reason' for my blog, the 'title' came to me in the same instant.  And there was absolutely no work required in getting it down to two syllables.

"It's Time"

So. Time for what?

Well.  Time for a lot of stuff!

My previous blogs have all been centred around my ironman events of course, but that's not the case this time.  That being said I still fully anticipate doing another race before this blog ends, it's just that the date and location have not been finalized.  The strong favourite is Mont Tremblant in 2017, but it's tentative at best.  But don't get me wrong.  Despite the absence of a hard and fast target race, this blog will still be very much about my health and fitness, both physical and mental, and certainly about the connection between the two.  Perhaps though  it will be even more about my life in general, about my place in the world, and about how I propose to live the next 20 years.

And I have so much to say, so much to share, so much of my insides to still explore and then share with you,  that I fairly burst with ideas.  I also know that I need to pace myself to avoid blog burnout, and so I'm gonna hold you in suspense just a bit longer as to what "it's time" for.

Here however, are a few not so subtle hints.

"If you do not change direction, you may end up where you are heading."---Lao Tzu

"I cannot always control what goes on outside. But I can always control what goes on inside."---Wayne Dyer

Love
Peter

"Yup! It's Time"

Time for what, I'm sure you care to know??  Well if you promise to save my new blog to your favourites, and promise to come back tomorrow, I promise to tell you.

Love
Peter