"Discoveries"

For the last 20 something years I have been going to the same place to run trails.  Over those 20 years it has gotten less and less friendly because of erosion, and lack of maintenance, and to some degree because of bicycle traffic.  That still wouldn't have bothered a 40 year old me, but 60 year old me is starting to find it unfriendly.  Heck, I was one of those guys who helped wreck it as I used to ride my mountain bike there as well there.  Some skilled riders still do, but for me it would be out of the question. Too many exposed roots, too many slick downhills with obstacles at the bottom, and too many mud holes.  It's just not much fun anymore, even to run

But I much prefer to run on natural surfaces when I can, and so today I thought I would check another spot.  Springwater conservation area is about 13 kms from our house, and what a pleasure.  Funny thing is that I've been at that place numerous times for other reasons, but never once ran or rode on the trails.  Today I took my bike and had a glorious visit, and tomorrow I'm going back to run there.  Nice wide trails, no roots anywhere, some up and down sections, and some beautiful bridges over the swampy parts.  The only hairy part with my bike is that the bridges area narrow and don't have railings.  You probably wouldn't get seriously hurt if you fell off, but you would get seriously slimed, and at this time of year, seriously cold!

Like I said, I'm gonna run there tomorrow, but as soon as I get a chance I'm gonna make a bike video in there for you.

You know one thing I am seriously proud of?  It's my stubbornness.  I'm struggling to grab a hold of life the way I want to, and yet I refuse to lay in my bed.  I believe that if I keep learning new things, and keep fighting for what I deserve I will get there.

Never give up!  Never surrender! (remember that movie?)

“The seeker embarks on a journey to find what he wants and discovers, along the way, what he needs.”---Wally Lamb

Love
Peter

"Quick"

Sign up for something!

I have stopped trying to figure out why and when, I can or cannot run.

And as hard as this may be for you to believe, I'm quite at peace with that.  Hell, it's hard for me to believe!

Today was one of those days that either the flesh, or the spirit, was lacking.  I don't know which?  I never survived the first kilometre, and then I walked most of the remaining 5 or 6.  It was quite pleasant.

But despite the fact that I no longer have an absolute need to know what the issue is, I still lean heavily towards the psychological elements.  But I need more data, so I'm gonna keep doing races as long as they work out for me.

I signed up for another 10K, this one a little more challenging event in London....a few hills.  One week from Sunday I think.

And that's it for today.  Who knows what the future will bring eh?  Peace, love and happiness!

"I try not to get involved in the business of prediction. It's a quick way to look like an idiot."--- Warren Ellis

Love
Peter

"Take Kindly The Counsel of the Years"

"gracefully surrendering the things of youth"

If you were 16 years old in 1971 you would immediately recognize those two lines of "Desiderata".  Not because it was written then, but because it was put to music by a guy named Les Crane around that time, and it became a popular hit.  It was actually written in 1927 by Max Ehrmann.

And while you might not be as intimate with it as the average long haired freak from the seventies, I imagine that you have to be under 25, or over 75, to never have heard of it.

Regardless, it has been of note in our house for many years, as up until just a few months ago we had two copies of it hanging on our walls.  We're down to one now, but I still sometimes reference it to find some wisdom.  The part about getting old has always been one of my favourite bits, probably because it's something I aspire to, as well as something I need to work on.  

I was motivated to go look at it again today after I got back from my bike ride.  Primarily because the ride made me feel 'older' than I was a few years ago, older even than just last year!

For as long as I have been riding seriously, 30 kms/hr has been the benchmark.  No matter how long the ride, I do my best to stay close to that.  Of course I'm referring to riding my triathlon bike, not my mountain bike.

That's why it was relevant once again today, as the sudden glorious spring weather prompted me to get my sped machine out of the basement, and take it for a spin.

It felt nice!  Skinny tires, skinny saddle, skinny frame, all topped by not so skinny me.  I was a bit surprised actually how normal it felt.  Even though it is quite different than riding my mountain bike, I am certain that the last 2 months of the fat tire riding has helped me a lot.  My butt got a wee bit sore, as did my forearms and my shoulders, but all in all, not bad.

But! I rode 50 kms at an average speed of 28.5 kms/hr!!  That's no good!

For a relatively short ride, I admit to a little bit of disappointment.  I know, I know!  If 30 kms/hr was the standard 20 years ago, why should it still be so today?  

Because!  That's why!  

I have to add, that while that number was the lower threshold, I also frequently exceeded it.  Even my 2nd Ironman in 2012 was slightly better than that.

Alas,  I decided that I need to get over it, so I did a bit of research.  When I did my first IM 8 years ago I was in the 50-54 age group, and now I am part of the 60-64 club.  Just for the heck of it I compared those two groups in last years IM Mont Tremblant.  In the younger group there were 60 riders who rode faster than 30 kms hour, while in my current category there were exactly seven!!!  Holy Cow!

Not just that, the 10 year difference resulted in less than 1/5th of the actual finishers!!  (from 212 to 39)

I suddenly felt waaaay better!

While I'm still gonna always shoot for the magic 30 just because it's a nice number, and it results in a 6 hour IM ride, I think that 28 is a more reasonable number for any potential long rides, or even more so for any potential long distance triathlons.   After all, I guess I'm getting older.  I just ain't dead yet!  Game on!

...and while I know I'm supposed to listen to Max and Les, this feels more like me...

"Do not go gentle into that good night but rage, rage against the dying of the light."---Dylan Thomas

Love

Peter

"Yeah, It's Easter"

I love Easter.  It's almost as good as Xmas cause I get to have fun with my grandchildren, and even buy them stuff.  This is gonna be the best ever because Roo and I get them all to ourselves, as Mom is away for a few days of R&R.  Of course we have a new one now as well, but he still don't care much about presents, and certainly doesn't care at all about anything edible that doesn't come out of a tit!

But Easter wasn't always one of my favourite times, as Xmas was.  When I was a kid it started out with some bizarre ceremony that involved painting ashes on my forehead, through forty days  of abstaining from anything good, to 4 straight days of going to church, culminating in Easter morning when you got a small basket made of coloured paper and staples, and containing a few chocolates and some jelly beans.  Small reward it seemed to me.  

But I want to be careful not to seem to slam the religious pageantry that Easter brings, as I know the symbology it important to some.  I get that, I just wish it wasn't all so morbid, 

And while I have no idea how he died (neither does anyone else), I honestly believe that Jesus Christ was a good guy, who's life and times, organized religion has manipulated and massaged beyond the point of recognition.   I think he would have been a good neighbour, and he wouldn't have shamed me for wanting to go see my girlfriend after Good Friday services like my Dad once did.

Besides I loved Jesus Christ Superstar, and I loved Godspell (seen it live on stage). And one of my favourite all time books is by Canadian author Nino Ricci.  It's called Testament, and is an alternate biography of Jesus. Try it, you may like it!!

And what i think about Easter now compared to when I was  kid? Now I think it is simply 

a time for love, 

a time for kindness, 

a time for compassion, 

a time for friendship

a time for tolerance, 

a time for forgiveness,

a time for fellowship,

a time for gentleness,

a time for compassion.

a time for patience,

a time for giving,

a time for healing,

a time for sharing,

a time for togetherness,

a time for motherhood, fatherhood, and grandparenthood,

a time for joy,

a time for peace,

a time for laughter,

a time for christians, muslims, jews, hindus, buddhists, sikhs, and yes,

a time for atheists, polytheists, and all the other theisms that I don't understand

a time for Kylie,

a time for Colby,

a time for Izaiah,

Have a wonderful Easter my friends, however and with whoever you care to celebrate it.

"So I say to you, Ask and it will be given to you; search, and you will find; knock, and the door will be opened for you."---Jesus Christ

Love

Peter

"Running Naked

Figuratively that is!  Still too cold to take all my clothes off!

First off let me explain my absence the last 2 days.  I chose not to blog for a very good reason.  I didn't want to!   I need more practice at not doing stuff.  I still tend to measure every days success by the practical things I achieved that day.  I wish to measure more by what I might call spiritual progress.  Measurement should be less about data, and more about feelings.  Of course as I write that, I realize that having data makes me feel good.  Alas...catch 22.

 But I unintentionally practiced that skill a little bit this morning.  I told you that I was gonna go run a 5K this morning and despite having a really lousy night, and despite the cold and drizzle that started the day I managed to get out of bed.  This by the way was the sight that greeted me outside our bedroom door, both making me feel grateful, and proving that it was duck weather out there.

They've been visiting fairly regularly over the last week, and it makes me wish we had a pond.  But we don't have one, and I don't think our topography would support one, so I will have to content myself with these occasional visitors.  And Byron Katie says that if I don't have a pond it's cause I don't need one.....she's probably right.

But I digress....again.

Back to living less with data, and more on instinct.  As I headed out the door today I took my watch off so that I could replace it with my garmin.  That's the machine that tells me all the critically important data I need to be able to run!!  I can't even go for a leisurely jog without it, or certainly I will fail.

It wasn't until I got to London that I realized I hadn't brought it!!!

No pace data, no distance data, and no heart rate data!!  Holy crap!  Believe it or not, I briefly considered whether I may have time to drive back home and still arrive at the start line on time.  Fortunately sanity prevailed.  After accepting that fact however, I realized that I didn't even have my regular watch with me, which would mean I would not even be able to check my progress at each km mark!  I was gonna have to run the whole 5K without once having any idea of how slow I was going.

I suppose it's an indication of just how far my obsession has reached into my psychi that the idea of running 5 kilometres without anything but my own body to tell me how fast to go would cause me stress.

And I suppose it's also an indication that I should do more of it.

Besides...it all worked out.  Despite the same kind of nervousness that nagged  me last week during the 10K, in hindsight I can honestly say that I was never taxed.  No dizziness, no shortness of breath, no nothing.  It was with some pleasure that when I first seen the clock it said 25 something, and I managed to finish in just under 26 minutes.  Considering my current level of mental and physical health, I consider that a perfect result.

I think there's a message in the fact that I seem to run more comfortably at a race than at home.  I suspect it's the mental and physical warmup that it's hard to find the discipline for on a regular day.  Mind you this kind of preparation should not normally be necessary for a training run, but probably is for me at this point, simply because of my lack of confidence.  But I'm okay with that.  I enjoyed the race very much today once I got started, and so I'm simply gonna do more of them.  If that's all it takes to get me back into a regular running groove I will be very grateful.

"I'm gonna put a curse on you and all your kids will be born completely naked."---Jimi Hendrix

Love
Peter

"Downtown"

As promised I made you a little video.

Right here!

"In the expression unconditional love, the unconditional  is redundant"---Peter W Rooyakkers

"That's Just Crazy"

Or maybe I am??

The day started out in crazy fashion with a remembrance of my dreams.  There were two specifically that are still with me as I write this.

In the first case I was outside hanging around with Kylie and Roo when I noticed that the sky seemed a little odd on this day.  Almost as if I could reach out and touch it.  Sure enough, I could!  I had to leap very far into the air, like 500 metres or something, but when I did touch it, it felt very solid.

Crazy eh?

As I drifted back down to earth, I couldn't help but notice that the sky was following me down.  The whole world seemed to be shrinking!  The last thought I had, either before I went on to the next dream, or before the world ended, was exactly that....the world was ending!!  I remember my only regret being that all of my grandchildren weren't with me at the time.

Crazy eh"

And then I went on to a more rational dream.  I had captured a giant chipmunk with my bare hands.  Knowing full well that catching one of them without some kind of device was impossible, I prepared to set up the trap to capture him normally.  I sat the chipmunk on the ground and told him to wait.  I don't know why I was surprised to find him missing when I was ready to stuff him into the trap?

Crazy eh?

But the whole world really took a turn for the bizarre after I woke up.   As I mentioned yesterday I really need to practice patience with my running now, otherwise I'm gonna be right back where I started from.  My poor attempt yesterday should have clearly imprinted that idea on me, and yet somehow I want desperately to prove that Sunday was no fluke.  Last evening I had this brain wave that I would go and run/walk the trails this morning.  Trails tend to let you relax a bit more, as just being in the trees and running on natural surfaces keeps you grounded, so to speak.  I was quite comfortable with the idea of just doing what I could, and I fully expected to enjoy it.

I had to do all my school shuttle activities first, and they don't end until about 10 am so I was pretty late getting going.  For some reason some nervousness gradually set in,  and in fact by the time I got to the conservation area I was more than a little anxious.  The weather could have had an impact as by that time it was snowing like mad, and I was also starting to wonder about the condition of the trails given the rain we had a few nights ago.  I suspect however that the biggest reason for my nervousness was due to a lack of confidence.  I used to run this 6 km  section of trail with such joy, and with such reckless abandon, and yet it's probably been two years since I even managed to get all the way around without walking.

But I was there, and I was gonna give it a shot!  After all, just two days ago I ran 10 kms totally in control.  Surely trails are a different animal, but I seen no reason I shouldn't be able to jog/walk as needed, and be able to enjoy my efforts.

Within 10 freakin seconds I had to walk because of dizziness.  I know I'm supposed to keep running until I fall down, but I'm pretty sure that I would have, and I didn't think it was the wisest of places to do so.  I could have been seriously hurt, as they are not sunday walk with grampa trails, and I was there by myself.  I walked!

Crazy eh?

But I went on for a minute or so, still intending on doing the route even if I had to walk the whole way. Until I got to the first half frozen mud hole!  No way was I in the frame of mind to plunge my feet into that cold bog, so I turned around and headed back to my truck.  On the walk back I considered various options including running the roads around there, coming home and running my usual roads, or even coming home and taking my bike out.  None of them appealed to me, but as I started driving back I had another brainwave.  Why not return to the scene of my recent success and see what I could do there?  Maybe running at least part of Sundays fun run would get me a little exercise, and if I was very patient, return a little confidence.

Crazy eh?

And this is were it got really bizarre!  It was like deja vu all over again as they say!!  I was very nervous for the first half, started gaining confidence over the next few kms, and ran with total joy for the last couple.  And here''s the kicker.....I did the exact same route faster than race day!!!  By more than a minute!!

Crazy eh?

I don't know what else to say.  No matter which way I twist these things around, no matter which angle I look at it from, no matter how much I read or study running problems, it seems undeniable that my problems are all in my head.  Is it possible that simply believing one can or can not do something can make such a difference, and that it actually manifest itself in physical symptoms this powerful.  Powerful enough to leave me power"less" to do something that my body by itself seems to be quite capable of doing.  I find that utterly fantastic!

Crazy eh?

And that's it.  Tomorrow I am definitely not going running as I know I just need to absorb this a little bit. If the weather cooperates I will try to get a ride in, and perhaps make you a little vid.  I have thoughts to share with you from my latest reading.  I may or may not have told you about the book I was gifted that I'm quite enjoying.  One way or another, I promise more about that in the coming days.

One last thought.  I remember back in my business days dealing with an employee who was off work due to injury, and was having trouble returning.  The doctors told him that he had a somatic disorder, that there was nothing physically wrong with him, and that the insurer was not gonna pay to keep him off any longer.  He/she found the diagnosis impossible to accept, primarily because the symptoms were totally real to him/her.  At the time I wasn't sure if I believed him/her, as it just seemed so unfathomable, especially in light of what had been a fairly minor injury in the first place, that he/she was really hurting as much as he described.  I no longer find it so incredible.....

"Crazy people don't worry about being crazy - that's the whole problem.” ---Anon

Love
Peter